Life Is Plastic...In A Barbie World

http://blogs.tribune.com.pk/story/7828/life-is-plastic-in-a-barbie-world/

Life Is Plastic…In A Barbie World

Laaaleen Khan

Half the fun in flipping through celebrity tabloids and society magazines lies in speculating who’s had ‘work’ done. Although plastic surgeons ethically oughtn’t to operate on patients with surgical addictions or Body Dysmorphic Disorder, the following results demonstrate otherwise:

Overt Barbie-ism: Lips, nose and bust combo package.

Megan Fox, actress, is ‘foxier’ after having surgical procedures that have taken her to the pinnacle of Hollywood beauty standards.

Lindsay Lohan, controversial actress, looks about the same age group as her mother, Dina.

Katie Price, British reality TV star, is as ‘real’ as a drag queen.

Preity Zinta, Bollywood actress, is decidedly ‘pretty’ after all the work she’s had done.

Botox Freeze: A perpetually surprised expression and slight smile accompanied by a shiny, crease-free forehead.

Marcia Cross, of “Desperate Housewives” fame, manages to act without the need of facial expression.

Anna Wintour, the intimidating editor of American “Vogue,” somehow appears to be smiling all day.

Nadia Hussain, model, is one among many Pakistani women (and men) prematurely turning to Botox.

Shane Warne, Aussie cricketer, traded his sun-damaged complexion for a wrinkle-free, shaped eyebrows look when he started seeing Elizabeth Hurley.

Fish Lips: Dramatic lip augmentation and collagen injections have transformed these thin-lipped ladies into pouty blowfish.

Meg Ryan, Hollywood’s “Sleepless In Seattle” sweetheart who ditched her cutesy pie image for a taut-skinned, pouty look.

Lisa Rhinna, TV actress married to Harry Hamlin, has lips big enough to, well, play a trombone with.

Melanie Griffith, starlet married to Antonio Banderas with a history of cosmetic surgeries.

Elizabeth Hurley, who went from the small mouthed, bushy browed girlfriend of Hugh Grant to a voluptuous style icon with generous lips and cleavage.

Kangana Ranaut, just one of the many Bollywood actresses who’s image has gone from lean and mean to over-sexed.

Alleged Butt Implants: A common procedure in Brazil where thongs are popularly worn on the beach, booty enhancements are growing increasingly popular worldwide.

Shilpa Shetty Kundra, Bollywood actress and former “Big Brother UK” winner, allegedly upgraded her bottom after completing facial and breast procedures.

Nicole Austin aka Coco, adult glamour model married to Ice-T, claims that she was born with her gargantuan rear end.

Kimberly Kardashian Humphries, reality show queen, recently provided an X-ray on “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” to prove that her massive derriere was all-natural.

Nose Jobs that Collapsed: These candidates have had more than their share of rhinoplasties, judging from their collapsed nose bridges.

LaToya Jackson, Michael’s sister who shares a familial love of cosmetic surgery.

Kimberly Jones aka Lil’ Kim, petite rapper with a daring sense of style, is a ‘lil’ too fond of the surgeon’s scalpel.

Tara Palmer-Tomkinson, British socialite, also owes her damaged nose to excessive cocaine snorting.

Strangest Breast Implants: These globular protrusions from size double-zero ribcages are a sheer marvel of gravity.

Tori Spelling, former “Beverly Hills 90210” star, enjoys his-and-hers cosmetic enhancement procedures with her husband, Dylan McDermott.

Victoria Beckham, former Spice Girl and David’s wife, went from a 34 A to a 34 D, then wisely reduced it to 34 B.

Tara Reid, “American Pie” actress, upgraded her look with cleavage and simultaneously downgraded her acting career.

Dramatic Eyelid Work: Eyes may be the windows to a person’s soul, particularly when they’ve had eyelid lifts and blepharoplasties.

Catherine Zeta Jones, Oscar-winning Welsh actress in Hollywood, went from a “Darling Bud(s) of May” (her UK TV show) to a sultry-eyed glamazon.

Paris Hilton, American socialite, was left with one squinty eye after her eye work in Brazil went literally awry and left her with a naughty expression.

Most Obvious Cheek Implants: After facelifts became passé and fuller cheeks became synonymous with youth, often to the extent of being mistaken for Chip & Dale.

Priscilla Presley, Elvis’ widow, has features that have been ‘all shook up’ by plastic surgeries.

Urmila Matondkar, Bollywood actress, had a surgical makeover that included very full cheeks.

Phoebe Price, professional paparazzi poser, has virtual éclairs in her cheeks.

Perpetually Arched Eyebrows, Chiseled Face: A possible combination of eyebrow lifts, Restylane injections, tooth veneers and lip augmentation may result in a dramatically sculpted makeover.

The Minogues—Kylie and Dannii, Australian pop singers, still look like sisters in their identical cosmetic procedures.

Hilary Duff, actress, eschewed her slightly hefty “Lizzie McGuire” tweeny build for a more angular Hollywood look.

Scariest: These take the cake—no description required!

Jocelyn Wildenstein aka Catwoman, American socialite, has spent millions on her infatuation with plastics.

La Duquesa De Alba, Spanish aristocrat, recently gave up her personal fortune to marry her comparatively young beau despite her fondness for expensive surgical enhancements.

Mickey Rourke, Oscar winning actor, went from “9 ½ Weeks” suave to a villain in “Iron Man 2” for a reason.

The entire Stallone family—Sylvester, his mother Jackie, his ex-wife Brigitte Nielsen—deserve a family discount for all the work they’ve had done.

Nicole Kidman, Oscar winning Aussie in Hollywood, went from a pinched look and curly locks to the creepy, robotic-expression blonde she depicted in “Stepford Wives.”

Donatella Versace, Gianni’s sister who heads the Versace brand grows more blonde, tanned and pouty by year.

Lara Flynn Boyle, slender actress from “The Practice,” can barely hold up her now-hefty lips that go with her crease-free forehead.

Hunter Tylo, soap star, is “(The) Bold and (the) Beautiful” no more.

Joan Rivers, E! host, is virtually unrecognizable from the photos of her youth.

Dolly Parton, country western star, has had repeated back injuries because of pressure from her massively enhanced chest.

Demi Moore, Hollywood and Twitter star, may soon start looking younger than her daughters Rumer, Scout and Tallulah.

Cher, Grammy winning singer “believes in life after”…plastic surgery (not “love”).

Heidi Montag, reality TV personality, changed her looks from a typical Californian girl to a typical Californian bimbo.

Nadya Suleman aka Octomom, reality TV star, could play Angelina in a low budget movie with her eerily copycat-Jolie features.

Sneakiest Procedures: One might never have guessed, but they’ve been at it too.

Narrowed noses: Angelina Jolie, Sandra Bullock, Scarlett Johanssen, Gisele Bundchen, Kate Moss, Blake Lively, Jennifer Aniston, Natalie Portman, Halle Berry, Cameron Diaz, Salma Hayek, Kate Hudson, Tyra Banks, Zac Efron, Shia Lebeof, Hadiqa Kiyani, Stacy Ann Ferguson aka Fergie of Black Eyed Peas.

Hooks removed from nose tips: Patrick Dempsey, Ryan Gosling, Calista Flockhart.

Ears pinned back: Brad Pitt.

The 10 Commandments of Fitness Training

The Ten Omnifarious Commandments for getting fit
Laaleen Khan
http://tribune.com.pk/story/220779/10-commandments-for-getting-fit/
 In a world fixated on size zero women and broad shouldered men, it’s hardly surprising that body-conscious, metropolitan Pakistan feels the effect of the multibillion-dollar industry of celebrity diets, gargantuan protein shakes and expensive exercise machines.


Whether motivated by vanity (the dream of abs of steel) or health warnings (to lower one’s cholesterol), the fitness lifestyle industry consists of jogging tracks, health club memberships, country club gyms, workout classes, personal trainers in private gyms and personalized diet plans. Getting fit has never been so competitive.

Men’s trends:
Actors may gain 30 lbs of muscle to fulfill on-screen requirements for leaner physiques than the typical steroid-enhanced look. This year’s superheroes include Chris ‘Captain America’ Evans, Chris ‘Thor’ Helmsworth and Shahrukh ‘Ra-One’ Khan.


Women’s trends:
While there will always be extreme dieters vying to get Victoria Beckham-thin, strength training is definitely on-trend this season. Jason Walsh, trainer for actress Jessica Biel (action star of The A Team), said in an interview, “Before Jessica came to me, she very much did ‘old school’ training with machines. It tended to lead to disproportioning in her shape.” (source: Starlounge).

Moez Aryan, of Islamabad’s Omnifarious Gym, suggests that the best way to lose weight is to “forget about gimmicks” like fad diets and elliptical machines. Engaging in fast-paced, high intensity circuit training with medium-to-heavy weights ought to provide optimum results. Women who fear weights will make them bulky are astonished when they see trainer Samira Jalali, a slender 50kg, dead lift 100 kg.
Aryan, who hails from an Iranian family of professional boxers, trained as a swimmer before specializing in fitness training. He is an advocate for challenging the “biased opinions of the (multibillion dollar) food and fitness industry” and offers the following guidelines for people seeking to lose body fat:


1. Thou shalt not engage in traditional aerobics
“Ditch the treadmill and lift some weights for an effective cardio workout. All aerobic activity is cardio but all cardio isn’t aerobic.”


2. Thou shalt not focus on spot reduction
“Spot reduction is so Eighties,” he says. 25,000 crunches will burn a paltry 1 lb. of fat, give you a bad back “and a thick midsection like Britney’s” (Ms. Spears did 1,000 daily crunches for several years). “It’s all about proportions; do some squats instead. Where you lose fat first or last depends on your diet, lifestyle and your hormonal levels.”


3. Thou shalt not indulge in breakfast cereal
Cereals with skim milk or an English breakfast of toast, jam and orange juice are to be avoided. Instead, he recommends a diet rich in veggies and lean proteins.


4. Thou shalt limit thy intake of sugars and grains
Your calories should come from good fats (“nuts and fish oil”), fibre (veggies) and protein (“fish, beef, mutton, prawns and eggs”).


5. Thou shalt not neglect thy backside
Despite being a major muscle group, the glutes tend to be overlooked because we tend to sit for long periods of time. Aryan advises clients with long office hours to “try using computers on a raised counter while standing,” or “sit on a stability ball instead of a chair. If possible, do a few hip raises every few hours.”


6. Fasting is good for thy soul as well as thine body
Fasting intermittently (even when it isn’t Ramadan) once or twice a week, with non-caloric beverages for 15 to 20 hours is recommended. “The 6-meals-per-day hype by the food and supplement industry has no scientific basis because your metabolism won’t slow down if you miss a meal,” he explains. “Frequent meal intake raises insulin levels, stores energy and leads to obesity and Metabolic Syndrome.”


7. Thou shalt avoid the evil temptation of processed foods
“Avoid processed foods altogether and detoxify that poor liver. If you can’t pronounce a name on a food label don’t eat it.”


8. Thou shalt get a good night’s sleep
“7 to 9 hours of quality sleep is ideal, by 10 pm and in complete darkness. Adrenal fatigue is known as ‘the 21st century disease;’ try de-stressing for 20 minutes daily.”


9. Thou shalt not commit gluttony
“Reduce your portion sizes,” he advises. It’s better to treat yourself now and then to your favourite foods than go on a food binge. “Fat-loss is a function of caloric balance.”


10. Sloth is a sin
Putting things off until the next day never works when you can start today. “There is no perfect time to wait for an exercise program.”


Celebrity fitness plans

GWYNETH PALTROW; 38, 5’9”
The Tracy Anderson Method + Macrobiotic Diet
Actress Gwyneth Paltrow credits her muscular legs and lean form to celebrity trainer Tracy Anderson’s workouts (she co-hosted Anderson’s DVD) that incorporate pilates bands and height bars into strength training and dance cardio. Paltrow (author of ‘My Father’s Daughter: Delicious, Easy Recipes Celebrtaing Family & Togetherness’) and her two children follows a strict macrobiotic diet of low fat, high fibre meals including veggies, tofu and fish. Anderson has also trained singers Madonna and Shakira.

CATHERINE, DUCHESS OF CAMBRIDGE; 29, 5’10”
Athletics + Low GI Diet/Dukan Diet
Kate Middleton owes her toned physique and waspy waist to a lifetime of high intensity sports including schoolgirl lacrosse, competitive rowing and tennis, while consuming low glycemic index meals. The future Queen is rumoured to have reduced to her pre-wedding weight via a juice diet and by following French physician Dr. Pierre Dukan’s four-phase diet that includes oat bran, protein and veggies. Jennifer Lopez and Nicole Kidman are also fans of the Dukan diet.

KATIE HOLMES; 32, 5’9”
Running + KH Vegetable Diet/Purification Rundown
Actress Katie Holmes lean form is the result of two hours’ daily running (she ran the New York Marathon two years after giving birth to Suri), in addition to weights, cardio and Pilates. She reportedly follows a KH diet of veggies and tofu and undertook an extreme Scientology Purification Rundown including liquid meals, extensive sauna and vitamin B3 injections to achieve her current narrowness. Holmes’ husband Tom Cruise has endorsed the Purification Rundown in the past.

KAREENA KAPOOR; 31, 5’5”
Surya Namaskar Yoga + Rujuta Diwekar’s Diet Plan
Bollywood actress Kareena Kapoor performs 2 hours of Surya Namaskar movements daily with yoga trainer Payal Gidwani in 105 degree temperature. She also credits her reported 20 kg weight loss to celebrity nutritionist Rujuta Diwekar (author of ‘Women and the Weight Loss Tamasha’ and ‘Don’t Lose Your Mind, Lose Your Weight’), who suggests eating fresh produce in digestible quantities and focusing on well being, exercise, sleep and relationships. Kapoor’s boyfriend Saif Ali Khan and fellow actress Preity Zinta are also Diwekar’s followers.