Local-Shocal: Everyday Gaffes

Everyday Gaffes

Widespread ‘typos’ in our daily lives are usually ignored; we’ve either stopped noticing them or we’ve already adopted them in our own speech. When you do keep noticing, you can either go around correcting people like an English teacher (and be detested for it) or post it on your blog (and get disapproving comments—oh well!).

Take the following paragraph:

“My hairs are very dry in the winters and I trim them with a scissor. I’ve been eating buttery popcorns at the women committee, where I wore red pant with black boot. They served Hi Tea and we enjoyed. My friends are social, from elite class. My children were having tution so I was free to get blowdry at beautyparlors saloon. I wore a couture dress straight off the ramp, made from choffone stuff to the danceparty and added a spritz of my new cologne.”

If that looked OK to you, then you might want to continue reading a sampling of common grammatical/punctuation/terminology blunders or, simply, words that have been culturally adapted to express alternative meanings within our social context.

PERPLEXING PLURALS:

Winters

Incorrect: There are many weddings held in the winters.

Correct: There are many weddings held in the winter.

Hairs

Incorrect: My hairs are thick and glossy. 

Correct: My hair is thick and glossy.

Popcorns

Incorrect: I like eating popcorns.

Correct: I like eating popcorn.

Women

Incorrect: Women wing. Women bank.

Correct: Women’s wing. Women’s bank.

Boot

Incorrect: The boot.

Correct: Boots.

Pant

Incorrect: Wide legged pant.

Correct: Wide legged pants.

Scissor

Incorrect: May I borrow a scissor?

Correct: May I borrow a pair of scissors?

SILLY SPELLINGS:

Hi Tea

Incorrect: The Hi-Tea was delicious.

Correct: The high tea was delicious.

Tution

Incorrect: Tution centre.

Correct: Tuition centre.

GOOFY GRAMMAR:

Having

Incorrect: She is having a degree in sociology.

Correct: She has a degree in sociology.

Enjoy

Incorrect: We enjoyed.

Correct: We enjoyed ourselves.

Social

Incorrect: She is social.

Correct: She is a socialite.

LOCAL-SHOCAL TERMINOLOGY:

Ramp

Local context: Fashion catwalk/runway.

Otherwise: Inclined floors for the disabled.

Committee

Local context: Regular women’s gathering for a money pool mingled with hosted entertainment.

Otherwise: A group of people working together for a specific purpose.

Couture

Local context: Any clothes that aren’t mass-produced.

Otherwise: High-end fashion produced by a select group of high end fashion houses that fulfill specific criteria to be designated couturiers.

Dress

Local context: Kameez.

Otherwise: Kids and women’s dresses and gowns.

Frock

Local context: Dress.

Otherwise: A dress or coat that usually billows out from the waist (‘party frock,’ ‘frock-coat’).

Stuff

Local context: Fabric.

Otherwise: Slang for ‘things.’

Choffone

Local context: An example of ‘stuff.’

Otherwise: Chiffon.

Elite Class

Local context: Anybody who can speak English.

Otherwise: The world’s most privileged billionaires and aristocrats.

Danceparty (morphed into 1 word)

Local context: A party where there’s a dance floor.

Otherwise: A party with dancing.

Beautyparlour (morphed into 1 word)

Local context: A beauty parlour.

Otherwise: A salon.

Saloon

Local context: A salon.

Otherwise: A wild west bar.

GENDER BENDERS:

Men’s Perfume, Women’s Cologne

When shopping for perfume or cologne, you might want to specify gender; otherwise you might be given a selection of perfume for men and cologne for women.

10 things nosy 'pak'ers love to ask

http://blogs.tribune.com.pk/story/9742/10-things-nosy-‘pak’ers-love-to-ask/

Ten Things Nosy ‘Pak’ers Love To Ask

Laaleen Khan

Ever get riled up by busybodies asking annoying questions to ‘place’ people in their social world? Well, here are some conveniently snappy answers we wish we could respond with (you might even get away with some of them if you did; sarcasm is often lost on the unwitting):

Q 1. Have you ‘found’ anyone eligible yet?

Ans: “Yes (enter Mashallah), I’ve won the marriage lottery! S/he’s (enter Mashallah) loaded and only (enter Mashallah) thrice divorced.”

Q 2. ‘Who’ is your father?

Ans: “He is Mian/Chaudhry (enter name) and owns (enter name of mill/bank).”

Q 3. What does your husband ‘do?’

Ans: See #2

Q 4. What ‘village’ are you from?

Ans: (It doesn’t matter if you’ve never seen cow-dung in real life, you have to name the villages your grandparents lived in pre and post Partition). To be cheeky: “I’m from Greenwich Village.”

Q 5. ‘Who’ is your family/are your in-laws?

Ans: To be answered with the name of a steel, ghee or textile mill as a prefix and adding ‘walla’ as a suffix (especially if you’re a Karachiite); e.g. “You must have heard of the Steelwallas.”

Q 6. (To the spouse/offspring of affluent industrialists/corrupt politicos): So what do you ‘do’ all day?

Ans: “I spend money and pretend to work.”

Q 7. (When gossiping) What’s their ‘background?’

Ans: Provide synopsis of said person’s birth, ethnicity and ancestry, political and romantic scandals, education and career achievements and, especially, failures.

Q 8. ‘Who’ are your friends?

Ans: Name anyone famous or infamous, preferably several years younger so you appear more youthful by association. Should preferably feature in Pakistan’s Top 20 richest families list.

Q 9. What’s his/her ‘scene?’

Ans: A read-between-the-lines synopsis of the said person’s lifestyle and romantic status, like “she’s very outgoing (i.e. skanky) and “she’s on the hunt for someone loaded” (i.e. a golddigger) OR “he hasn’t had a serious relationship” (i.e. he’s probably gay) and “they used to be very rich” (i.e. he has no money of his own).

Q 10. Where is your accent from? Amrika? Ing-land? Canayda?

Ans: “I learned to fake it at a call centre” or “I’m an RJ at FM89.”

Kiran Caramelized: the story behind Club Caramel's 'Teray Bin' video

Kiran, Caramelized:

The story behind ‘Teray Bin’

http://blogs.tribune.com.pk/story/8878/kiran-caramelized-the-story-behind-teray-bin’/

Kiran Chaudhry, one half of the Pakistani musical duo Club Caramel, is a characteristically adventurous, freedom-loving Sagittarian who excels at pretty much everything she puts her mind to. 

Ms. Chaudhry has a staggeringly diverse array of talents; while Head Girl at her school in Lahore, her former classmates recall tearing up during her soulful rendition of Whitney Houston’s I Will Always Love You. Musically inclined, she trained with Ustad Fateh Ali Khan while still in her teens.

Kiran went on to win an International Baccalureate scholarship at the World College of the Atlantic in Wales, after which she read PPE (philosophy, politics and economics) at Balliol College at the University of Oxford (yup—she’s an academic whizz kid too). She then practiced law as a solicitor at Freshfields, a London firm, for several successful years. Ever resourceful, Kiran returned to Lahore in 2006 and took over the reigns of her family business while delving into her creative side. ‘Caramel’ was launched as a cover band that began festive ‘club’ nights, earning it the title ‘Club Caramel’ with fans, a name that stuck as the band went on to regularly perform at venues across the country. 

‘Teray Bin’ (‘Without You’) is the second release off of Club Caramel’s debut album, released independently under its own label, Caramel Entertainment, that handles everything from concerts and videos to distribution. In the video, Club Caramel conveys emotional angst, passionate rage and romantic sorrow. The baroque-meets-retro mise-en-scene, complete with ebony, scarlet and burnished gold costumes in embossed velvet, brocade and chiffon, pays homage to a bygone era with its latticed windows, silver jhoola, heavy eyeliner and Old-Hollywood style wavy hair. There’s a hint of the macabre in the choice of props: the vampiric dining table resplendent with goblets and candelabras, the poison-filled chalice and the bloodied dagger. Red, the overt colour of passion, pigments the roses, lipstick, liquor-like liquid and splattering of blood.

What were you aiming for with the emotive drama in this video? Did your acting skills from Mamma Mia! (she played a starring role in 2009-10) come in handy during the shoot?

“I’m still learning to act and consider myself a singer primarily. My debut acting gig was “Mamma Mia!” and yes, I learned a whole lot from that experience. In the summer of last year, I also went to New York for an intensive training course in musical theatre at a specialist conservatory at NYU. I focused on the acting part of the course.  Yes, I would like to do a lot more acting in the future given the right opportunities. It’s such a thrill to take on another personality for a while. It’s like looking at the world through somebody else’s eyes, with a whole new set of desires and perspectives – its’ enormously interesting and exciting.”

Is the video symbolic for break ups, separations and/or divorce?

“Well, no. It’s not trying to symbolize any archetypes or stereotypes. It’s just a woman’s unique journey on the path of love. She, if anything, defies social norms of how a woman reacts to betrayal. She is no meek wallflower who sits and mourns her loss for long but, rather, seeks to ‘right’ the wrong that is done unto her by seducing and destroying all of ‘mankind.’ In a sense there is a hint of ‘feminism’ creeping in here…”

To what extent was the look and feel of this music video your vision, its narrative and stylistic techniques?

“The concept for the video was brought forward by Aabroo Hashimi of Masscott films, the directors of the video. We had instructed them to come up with an unusual theme, something that was stylistically strong and visually appealing. When they come up with the storyline, it instantly struck a chord with us.  The dark and gothic feel is in keeping with the intensity of the song and brings out the darker, more destructive side of love.”

Describe the persona you’re adopting in the video; would you say this characterization reflects a side of your own personality or is it entirely fictitious?

“I’m portraying an innocent girl who changes into a psychotic killer after suffering a betrayal in love. In taking on this persona, I was hoping to show how beautiful love can be one moment, and how utterly cruel and destructive the next. I believe most people have been through bitter experiences in matters of the heart that have changed them in some way, even if they don’t become cold-hearted murderers! This doesn’t make them ‘bad’ people. This is just another, equally interesting aspect of love and how it affects us. We all have such emotions inside us, even if they are not so extreme. But the answer is ‘no’—I don’t really identify with the character in the video, being the hopeless romantic that I remain to this day! I am still unable to watch action thrillers, let alone horror flicks! Having said that, I believe the skill of an actor is to be able to portray a character quite different from their own and I hope that I have been able to do that to some extent.”

Does the video have a lot do with the song or is just one of many interpretations?

“We felt that both the video and the song should be able to stand alone as pieces of artistry, but complement each other in an unusual way when brought together. The song appears to be a simple love song at first, but the video gives it the ‘twist’ that makes it more interesting as an audio-visual experience. The video is, to that extent, an ‘interpretation’ of the song.”

How would you like viewers to interpret and respond to it?

“However they choose. I would not dare so far as to instruct our audience in this regard. They are a sophisticated bunch and can take away whatever they like from it. There is not one ‘correct’ way to interpret our work or, for that matter, any work of an artist.”

More on Club Caramel at www.facebook.com/clubcaramel 

Video Credits:

a.     DIRECTOR: Masscott Films

b.     PRODUCER: Adnan Sarwar

c.      EDITOR: Fuzzal Ahmed

d.     WRITER/LYRICS: Adnan Sarwar

e.     VOCALIST/S: Kiran Chaudhry

f.      INSTRUMENTALS: Farhan Albert (Keyboard/drum arrangements), Sameer Ahmed (Bass), Ahsan Pappu (Flute), Guitar (Adnan Sarwar)

g.     ACTORS: Kiran Chaudhry, Adnan Sarwar

h.     CAMEO PERFORMANCES: none

i.       WARDROBE DESIGNERS: Fahad Hussayn, Munib Nawaz

j.       MAKE-UP/EFFECTS/STYLIST/S: Maram & Aabroo

k.     VENUE FOR SHOOT:  Evernew Studios

l.       HOURS/DAYS IT TOOK TO COMPLETE THE SHOOT/SCENES: 2 days

Hip-hop's 'Paki Rambo'

BEHIND THE VIDEO:

Adil Omar, hip-hop’s ‘Paki Rambo’

Laaleen Khan

Artist: Adil Omar

Video: Paki Rambo

Genre: Hip-hop

Description: A cheeky take on Islamabad’s urban youth subculture. Vivid stylistic techniques are employed in this sardonic, yet playful, rendition of kitschy bad-boy behaviour. Contrasting social settings range from the Mercedes-lined driveway of a typically affluent home, to farcical GTs (hangouts) involving recreational substance abuse, persistent sexual harassment, and blood-streaked fistfights that epitomize the ‘wannabe gangsta’ mentality of the city’s seedy underbelly. 

Link: http://youtu.be/QjlYGzVk-6o

Excerpt:

“I bust quick in a sl**'s thick orange foundation

I'm a foreign damnation at your borderline waitin'

Horrified Satan with an angel to punch

cuz all these cookie cutter f****rs be fakin' the funk

Yeah, uh, so many babies yappin'

talking bout a revolution like they Tracy Chapman

B**chin' like a mother******, making the game whack

Complaining how I'm fake and how I'm taking my race back

or forward - depends on how you look at it

Rude boy status, so bad, but damn I'm good at it

I should've been king, cuz I open your minds

my revelation brings truth, deliver hope for the blind

I make a terrorist tear a wrist, prepare for his funeral

and I'm way beyond your government's or parent's approval

The most hated, but I know there's no greater

Power junkie on a binge and damn I'm so faded.”

Adil’s take on the video:

1. To what extent was this music video your vision (the look and feel of it; the narrative; its stylistic techniques)?

“I'd say this was something I wanted to have fun with and I had a similar vision, but I'd give Aisha Linnea the majority of the credit for that. She has insane ideas. Shahbaz is a genius behind the camera and with editing. A lot of it was inspired by (the upcoming film) 'Gol Chakkar,'  which also features ‘Paki Rambo’ on its soundtrack. We also wanted to bring in a lot of the absurd aspects of modern Pakistani culture from the whole Jinnah Super (Islamabad’s main marketplace) and Pindi thing (snooty attitude towards Rawalpindi http://laaleen.blogspot.com/2010/06/rawalpindi-islamabads-ugly-step-sister.html ), to the whole 'phadda' (verbal/physical fight) culture and our youth's obsession with wrestling, to reckless elite kids having fun with no boundaries, and taking the p*** out of mainstream videos and pop culture by replacing alcohol with Pakola (local soft drink), kids snorting Tulsi (supari) instead of cocaine, me dressed as a Jinnah Super version of Charlie Sheen, mixed with a lot of random absurd imagery which doesn't really fit anywhere but it's art, it shouldn't have any limits and doesn't need an explanation.”

2. Describe the persona you’re adopting in the video; would you say this characterization reflects a side of your own personality or is it entirely fictitious?

“I'd say this is more honest to my image and personality than any of the other videos I've done (‘Off the Handle’ http://youtu.be/T4tMvuWW3_g ). Sure, I've had fun in the past too but that's mainly cool serious rapper stuff like trying to act hard and be the biggest bad*** you can. In reality, though, I'm not a street thug nor do I claim to be. My music might be hardcore but I'm still just a goofy kid with a sense of humour who wants to have fun with it, I'm not really trying to prove anything. Sure, there are fictitious elements in it, I don't endorse violence at all, it's just entertainment, but overall its me. It's also my tribute to the sort of Hip-Hop I grew up listening to and fell in love with—Cypress Hill, House of Pain, Beastie Boys, Funkdoobiest—where you could still be a bad*** and hardcore without taking yourself too seriously. The irony is, even though I completely let go of my hardcore King-Kong rapper ego on this one, it still made me look like more of a bad*** than my last few videos did. On a side note, I don't actually participate in underground fighting tournaments, nor do I spray Pakola in the faces of unsuspecting girls.”

3. Does the video have a lot do with the song or is just one of many interpretations?

“It’s just one of many interpretations. I couldn't explain it but you as a viewer could try. You might be right, you might be wrong.” 

4. How would you like viewers to interpret and respond to it?

“As entertainment, plain and simple. I don't want anybody to look too deep into it and I don't want people to ask me how it represents Pakistan. It's a video we did, it's all in fun and it's as simple as that. My western fans get it, but the reception in Pakistan has been so mixed.” 

5. You’ve been quoted as saying the title ‘Paki Rambo’ is inspired by a line in (the British film) ‘Four Lions’ (http://youtu.be/u5-LkJzhQrQ). Is ‘Paki’ the new ‘Nigga’ in hip-hop (i.e. urban usage of racist term which is only considered politically correct when referring to oneself)?

“I wouldn't say that necessarily, but in a similar way, it is about embracing an insult and turning it into something positive which not only Pakistani kids, but also Indian and other South Asian kids can be proud of. I'm not a blind nationalist but rather than letting ‘Paki’ hurt you, look at the context and embrace it if you are one. It's about a certain attitude, and that's what being a ‘Paki Rambo’ is, not giving a f***, being proud of what you are and embracing your identity while maintaining a sense of humour. Words are just words, the intentions behind them matter a lot more than the words themselves.”

6. There are always people who don’t comprehend humour or sarcasm; do you think most of your viewers (in Pakistan and overseas) ‘got’ the satiric elements of the video?

“My overseas fans and viewers did. The response to this video has been overwhelming overseas because they get it. Not only have the fans been in huge support of it, people like Cypress Hill and House of Pain members themselves have shown love. It's been shared on the social networks of B-Real and Everlast, it's been played by B-Real on his live show to good responses, it's been on various websites and blogs with plenty of love. Other people who have also shown support overseas and locally include Riz Ahmed (actor from ‘Four Lions’ and ‘The Reluctant Fundamentalist’), Kelly Carlin (daughter of comedian George Carlin), Bakhtawar Bhutto and Naked Tyrant Productions. The only legitimate criticism was some of the violence in the fight scenes, and some of the sexism in the song and video such as the t-shirts I was wearing, etc, but the company of those shirts, ‘Two In The Shirt’ (abbreviated TITS) has launched a campaign for breast cancer awareness and research which I've also been active in promoting not only by wearing their clothing in my videos, but also through my social networks. I'm not Bono. I'm not all about riding on causes for my own self-promotion at all, but I would definitely endorse a quality product that's also doing some good for humanity. The reception for the song and video in Pakistan has been extremely mixed and divided. You either hate it or love it. Half the people see it for what it is, the song and video both and they love it. Then the other half are too bent up on what they think it represents, not getting the humour in it, and not understanding what the song is all about, but, hey, if you don't get it, then I don't want you in my fan base in the first place. You're not my target audience. I'm not caught up with trying to be some sort of celebrity at all, I hate that s***. I just want to make music for myself and my target audience while providing quality entertainment. I don't think Pakistan has even adapted to hardcore hip-hop yet, so accepting it is a long shot, but I'll still try to open everybody's mind to it at least.”

Video credits:

DIRECTORS: Shahbaz Shigri and Aisha Linnea.

VIDEO PRODUCER: Shahbaz Shigri, Aisha Linnea and Adil Omar.

SONG PRODUCER: DJ Solo of Soul Assassins.

EDITOR: Shahbaz Shigri.

WRITER/LYRICS: Adil Omar.

VOCALIST/S: Adil Omar.

INSTRUMENTALS: DJ Solo of Soul Assassins.

CAMEO PERFORMANCES: Talal Qureshi, Hasan Bruun Akhtar, Tariq Amin, Usman Mukhtar, Aboo Dean, Ali Rehman, Aisha Linnea, Uzair Jaswal, Abbas Ali Khan, Salmaan aka Slo, Osama Com Laude, Xpolymer Dar of Rap Engineers, Umair Khan and Ghazi of Metafitnosis Gym and Adil’s dog, Diablo (Shoaib Akhtar and actor Riz Ahmed couldn’t make cameos due to scheduling conflicts).

WARDROBE DESIGNERS: Aisha Linnea and Adil Omar.

MAKE-UP/EFFECTS/STYLISTS: Aisha Linnea for the girls at the dining table, Sabi Kay for the wrestling champ's face-paint. 

LOCATIONS: Bahria Town, Bani Gala, Chak Shahzad and Jinnah Super.

TIMEFRAME: The shoot was spread out over 1 week.