10 things nosy 'pak'ers love to ask

http://blogs.tribune.com.pk/story/9742/10-things-nosy-‘pak’ers-love-to-ask/

Ten Things Nosy ‘Pak’ers Love To Ask

Laaleen Khan

Ever get riled up by busybodies asking annoying questions to ‘place’ people in their social world? Well, here are some conveniently snappy answers we wish we could respond with (you might even get away with some of them if you did; sarcasm is often lost on the unwitting):

Q 1. Have you ‘found’ anyone eligible yet?

Ans: “Yes (enter Mashallah), I’ve won the marriage lottery! S/he’s (enter Mashallah) loaded and only (enter Mashallah) thrice divorced.”

Q 2. ‘Who’ is your father?

Ans: “He is Mian/Chaudhry (enter name) and owns (enter name of mill/bank).”

Q 3. What does your husband ‘do?’

Ans: See #2

Q 4. What ‘village’ are you from?

Ans: (It doesn’t matter if you’ve never seen cow-dung in real life, you have to name the villages your grandparents lived in pre and post Partition). To be cheeky: “I’m from Greenwich Village.”

Q 5. ‘Who’ is your family/are your in-laws?

Ans: To be answered with the name of a steel, ghee or textile mill as a prefix and adding ‘walla’ as a suffix (especially if you’re a Karachiite); e.g. “You must have heard of the Steelwallas.”

Q 6. (To the spouse/offspring of affluent industrialists/corrupt politicos): So what do you ‘do’ all day?

Ans: “I spend money and pretend to work.”

Q 7. (When gossiping) What’s their ‘background?’

Ans: Provide synopsis of said person’s birth, ethnicity and ancestry, political and romantic scandals, education and career achievements and, especially, failures.

Q 8. ‘Who’ are your friends?

Ans: Name anyone famous or infamous, preferably several years younger so you appear more youthful by association. Should preferably feature in Pakistan’s Top 20 richest families list.

Q 9. What’s his/her ‘scene?’

Ans: A read-between-the-lines synopsis of the said person’s lifestyle and romantic status, like “she’s very outgoing (i.e. skanky) and “she’s on the hunt for someone loaded” (i.e. a golddigger) OR “he hasn’t had a serious relationship” (i.e. he’s probably gay) and “they used to be very rich” (i.e. he has no money of his own).

Q 10. Where is your accent from? Amrika? Ing-land? Canayda?

Ans: “I learned to fake it at a call centre” or “I’m an RJ at FM89.”

Hip-hop's 'Paki Rambo'

BEHIND THE VIDEO:

Adil Omar, hip-hop’s ‘Paki Rambo’

Laaleen Khan

Artist: Adil Omar

Video: Paki Rambo

Genre: Hip-hop

Description: A cheeky take on Islamabad’s urban youth subculture. Vivid stylistic techniques are employed in this sardonic, yet playful, rendition of kitschy bad-boy behaviour. Contrasting social settings range from the Mercedes-lined driveway of a typically affluent home, to farcical GTs (hangouts) involving recreational substance abuse, persistent sexual harassment, and blood-streaked fistfights that epitomize the ‘wannabe gangsta’ mentality of the city’s seedy underbelly. 

Link: http://youtu.be/QjlYGzVk-6o

Excerpt:

“I bust quick in a sl**'s thick orange foundation

I'm a foreign damnation at your borderline waitin'

Horrified Satan with an angel to punch

cuz all these cookie cutter f****rs be fakin' the funk

Yeah, uh, so many babies yappin'

talking bout a revolution like they Tracy Chapman

B**chin' like a mother******, making the game whack

Complaining how I'm fake and how I'm taking my race back

or forward - depends on how you look at it

Rude boy status, so bad, but damn I'm good at it

I should've been king, cuz I open your minds

my revelation brings truth, deliver hope for the blind

I make a terrorist tear a wrist, prepare for his funeral

and I'm way beyond your government's or parent's approval

The most hated, but I know there's no greater

Power junkie on a binge and damn I'm so faded.”

Adil’s take on the video:

1. To what extent was this music video your vision (the look and feel of it; the narrative; its stylistic techniques)?

“I'd say this was something I wanted to have fun with and I had a similar vision, but I'd give Aisha Linnea the majority of the credit for that. She has insane ideas. Shahbaz is a genius behind the camera and with editing. A lot of it was inspired by (the upcoming film) 'Gol Chakkar,'  which also features ‘Paki Rambo’ on its soundtrack. We also wanted to bring in a lot of the absurd aspects of modern Pakistani culture from the whole Jinnah Super (Islamabad’s main marketplace) and Pindi thing (snooty attitude towards Rawalpindi http://laaleen.blogspot.com/2010/06/rawalpindi-islamabads-ugly-step-sister.html ), to the whole 'phadda' (verbal/physical fight) culture and our youth's obsession with wrestling, to reckless elite kids having fun with no boundaries, and taking the p*** out of mainstream videos and pop culture by replacing alcohol with Pakola (local soft drink), kids snorting Tulsi (supari) instead of cocaine, me dressed as a Jinnah Super version of Charlie Sheen, mixed with a lot of random absurd imagery which doesn't really fit anywhere but it's art, it shouldn't have any limits and doesn't need an explanation.”

2. Describe the persona you’re adopting in the video; would you say this characterization reflects a side of your own personality or is it entirely fictitious?

“I'd say this is more honest to my image and personality than any of the other videos I've done (‘Off the Handle’ http://youtu.be/T4tMvuWW3_g ). Sure, I've had fun in the past too but that's mainly cool serious rapper stuff like trying to act hard and be the biggest bad*** you can. In reality, though, I'm not a street thug nor do I claim to be. My music might be hardcore but I'm still just a goofy kid with a sense of humour who wants to have fun with it, I'm not really trying to prove anything. Sure, there are fictitious elements in it, I don't endorse violence at all, it's just entertainment, but overall its me. It's also my tribute to the sort of Hip-Hop I grew up listening to and fell in love with—Cypress Hill, House of Pain, Beastie Boys, Funkdoobiest—where you could still be a bad*** and hardcore without taking yourself too seriously. The irony is, even though I completely let go of my hardcore King-Kong rapper ego on this one, it still made me look like more of a bad*** than my last few videos did. On a side note, I don't actually participate in underground fighting tournaments, nor do I spray Pakola in the faces of unsuspecting girls.”

3. Does the video have a lot do with the song or is just one of many interpretations?

“It’s just one of many interpretations. I couldn't explain it but you as a viewer could try. You might be right, you might be wrong.” 

4. How would you like viewers to interpret and respond to it?

“As entertainment, plain and simple. I don't want anybody to look too deep into it and I don't want people to ask me how it represents Pakistan. It's a video we did, it's all in fun and it's as simple as that. My western fans get it, but the reception in Pakistan has been so mixed.” 

5. You’ve been quoted as saying the title ‘Paki Rambo’ is inspired by a line in (the British film) ‘Four Lions’ (http://youtu.be/u5-LkJzhQrQ). Is ‘Paki’ the new ‘Nigga’ in hip-hop (i.e. urban usage of racist term which is only considered politically correct when referring to oneself)?

“I wouldn't say that necessarily, but in a similar way, it is about embracing an insult and turning it into something positive which not only Pakistani kids, but also Indian and other South Asian kids can be proud of. I'm not a blind nationalist but rather than letting ‘Paki’ hurt you, look at the context and embrace it if you are one. It's about a certain attitude, and that's what being a ‘Paki Rambo’ is, not giving a f***, being proud of what you are and embracing your identity while maintaining a sense of humour. Words are just words, the intentions behind them matter a lot more than the words themselves.”

6. There are always people who don’t comprehend humour or sarcasm; do you think most of your viewers (in Pakistan and overseas) ‘got’ the satiric elements of the video?

“My overseas fans and viewers did. The response to this video has been overwhelming overseas because they get it. Not only have the fans been in huge support of it, people like Cypress Hill and House of Pain members themselves have shown love. It's been shared on the social networks of B-Real and Everlast, it's been played by B-Real on his live show to good responses, it's been on various websites and blogs with plenty of love. Other people who have also shown support overseas and locally include Riz Ahmed (actor from ‘Four Lions’ and ‘The Reluctant Fundamentalist’), Kelly Carlin (daughter of comedian George Carlin), Bakhtawar Bhutto and Naked Tyrant Productions. The only legitimate criticism was some of the violence in the fight scenes, and some of the sexism in the song and video such as the t-shirts I was wearing, etc, but the company of those shirts, ‘Two In The Shirt’ (abbreviated TITS) has launched a campaign for breast cancer awareness and research which I've also been active in promoting not only by wearing their clothing in my videos, but also through my social networks. I'm not Bono. I'm not all about riding on causes for my own self-promotion at all, but I would definitely endorse a quality product that's also doing some good for humanity. The reception for the song and video in Pakistan has been extremely mixed and divided. You either hate it or love it. Half the people see it for what it is, the song and video both and they love it. Then the other half are too bent up on what they think it represents, not getting the humour in it, and not understanding what the song is all about, but, hey, if you don't get it, then I don't want you in my fan base in the first place. You're not my target audience. I'm not caught up with trying to be some sort of celebrity at all, I hate that s***. I just want to make music for myself and my target audience while providing quality entertainment. I don't think Pakistan has even adapted to hardcore hip-hop yet, so accepting it is a long shot, but I'll still try to open everybody's mind to it at least.”

Video credits:

DIRECTORS: Shahbaz Shigri and Aisha Linnea.

VIDEO PRODUCER: Shahbaz Shigri, Aisha Linnea and Adil Omar.

SONG PRODUCER: DJ Solo of Soul Assassins.

EDITOR: Shahbaz Shigri.

WRITER/LYRICS: Adil Omar.

VOCALIST/S: Adil Omar.

INSTRUMENTALS: DJ Solo of Soul Assassins.

CAMEO PERFORMANCES: Talal Qureshi, Hasan Bruun Akhtar, Tariq Amin, Usman Mukhtar, Aboo Dean, Ali Rehman, Aisha Linnea, Uzair Jaswal, Abbas Ali Khan, Salmaan aka Slo, Osama Com Laude, Xpolymer Dar of Rap Engineers, Umair Khan and Ghazi of Metafitnosis Gym and Adil’s dog, Diablo (Shoaib Akhtar and actor Riz Ahmed couldn’t make cameos due to scheduling conflicts).

WARDROBE DESIGNERS: Aisha Linnea and Adil Omar.

MAKE-UP/EFFECTS/STYLISTS: Aisha Linnea for the girls at the dining table, Sabi Kay for the wrestling champ's face-paint. 

LOCATIONS: Bahria Town, Bani Gala, Chak Shahzad and Jinnah Super.

TIMEFRAME: The shoot was spread out over 1 week.

Ten Random Oddities in Current Pakistani Culture

http://blogs.tribune.com.pk/story/7550/10-assorted-additions-to-pakistani-culture/

10 Random Oddities From Current Pakistani Culture

Laaleen Khan

Whether they prompt you to scratch your head in puzzlement, raise your eyebrows in disbelief, or crack a spontaneous smile, life’s little idiosyncrasies break the monotony of one’s daily routine. Expats in particular have a fondness for quintessential elements of Pakistani culture that may be annoying when you live here, but are endearing when you’re away. Here are a few, chosen at random:

10. Go-Gos:

Chanting “Go” universally is a cheer (like ‘Go team! Woohoo’) but to feisty Pakistanis, it literally means LEAVE. Example: “Go (head-of-state) Go!”

9. Outdated expressions:

Verbal relics from the Colonial era include “Can I have your “GOOD NAME?” (er…no, but you can have my bad one) and “You’re looking “SMART” today” (Really, I look intelligent?).

8. The Rights are the Lefts:

Getting scalded by accident because the hot water tap is on the left and cold water’s on the right. Or am I seeing the world wrong?

7. Urdlish taking over:

Urdu alphabet books that read “Alif for Ischool, Bey for Baall, Tay for Trayctor.“  Huh?

6. Logo-riffic:

No matter how squeezed-in the pose, ladies-who-lunch manage to get photographed displaying the logos of their bags outwards so that everyone gets to see the flashy initials. Yawn.

5. Designer Morphs:

Designer duos morphed into one entity without an “&” in between, who refer to themselves as one person. Anyone else find that bizarre?

4. Ladyified:

A doctor who happens to be female isn’t a doctor, she’s a “Lady Daktar,” a whole other breed.

3. Serfdom:

Slavery was abolished worldwide years ago but not the mentality of slave owners, it seems; in Pakistan, ‘domestic workers’ are still called “servants.”

2. Self-serving service:

At a Pakistani McDonalds, ‘self-service’ still implies that you don’t have to pick up after yourselves, throw your trash or deposit your tray. Just leave your mess on the table like everyone else.

…And numero uno is:

1.    Architectural irony:

It’s an unwritten rule—the ‘fuglier’ the house, the bigger the “MASHALLAH” that graces it’s exterior. Honestly, the only ‘nazar’ most of these hideously over-decorated houses will get is the kind that involves rolling eyes.

Intro to Marketing Pakistan

Intro to Marketing Pakistan

http://blogs.tribune.com.pk/story/7266/marketing-pakistan-know-your-product/

On the one hand, it seems that Pakistan doesn’t have much to offer travelers these days with the exception of expats visiting their families, Lonely Planet reading backpackers, Sikh pilgrims and cricket-mad Indians—many of whom have waned from the ‘insecurity’ situation. Then, on the other hand, the ‘Ministry of Marketing’ (let us suppose that one exists) has plenty of underutilised fodder to attract positive international interest, if only they would.

From an ancient civilization that’s older than the Pyramids (the Indus Valley along with Buddhist and Gandhara aren’t adequately promoted like the Mughals as they’re pre-Islamic), historical architecture (including pre-Partition buildings that have since dwindled into shoddy government offices and low-grade, paan-spittled apartments) and a rich, evolving ‘Popculturistan’ (that’s under attack by the conservative majority unfamiliar with the concepts of subcultures, postmodernism and organized tourism) we have much to offer:

Fashion: Pakistani bridal couture isn’t big beyond South Asia and expat communities, one but the rest have the potential to cross over: think elephant-god t-shirts from India and Arab scarf accessories from the Middle East that all made it to mainstream fashion channels. So too can ours; a pop cultural mix of indigenous customs and tongue-in-cheek humour works on the large scale.

Market kitsch: Truck art (Gulabo and followers), Lollywood art (Hot Spot’s Lollywood parodies, Uth Oye and other quirky T-shirts), Urdu and Punjabi calligraphy bags (though it is highly doubtful that Bulley Shah’s descendants will get royalties from the latter) all need Saks, Bloomingdales and Selfridges to show an interest.

Music: The universal language that goes beyond all kinds of barriers and Pakistan does very, very well. From folk to Sufi to rock and now hip hop (i.e. Adil Omar’s catchy Off The Handle and the upcoming Paki Rambo; our fingers are crossed for his future Grammy nomination), every music item that is released, written, blogged or tweeted, always surprised a sizeable number on the other side of the world, who begin to acknowledge that music in Pakistan is “bigger than Bin Laden” (Alan Cross, music writer from ExploreMusic.com at http://exploremusic.com/enlightenment/and-the-most-influential-rock-star-in-pakistan-is/#comment-39216 )

Sardonic statements by musicians make a smarter impression than, say Korean Bieber-wannabes. Ali Azmat’s Bum Phatta (as in bomb exploding, not a rear end) is a great example of this—a witty take on the current plight of the country with a terrific music video.

Now, if only we could provide the security needed for international performers to hold concerts here, not to mention preventing a blatant infringement of intellectual copyright laws so that they have a sales incentive to include Pakistan on their tours…

Food: We may not have any Michelin starred restaurants (yet) but Pakistani cuisine is a heartening way of portraying our gastronomic zest for all things hot, spicy and meat-infused (to a level that makes Mexican food appear bland), our quirky palates that savour goat paye and nihari—(one imagines that goat’s feet, brain and testicles could also be fused with French cuisine famous for snails and frog’s legs), and our voluptuous, indigenous fruit superior to tropical regions the world over (like the mango family, phalsa berry or falsa, jambul or jamun), along with organic produce that is a fast dying breed in favour of carcinogenic pesticides. Additionally, organic halal meat products could be branded and exported to countries all over the world (if health standards can be met).

Female icons: In this silicone-infused world of ‘reality’ TV stars like Katie Price, Heidi Montag, Kim Kardashian, Shilpa Shetty and Veena Malik, the distinctively glamour-free Ms Mukhtaran Mai is a real-life hero who has done more to uplift the image of strong rural women in Pakistan than anyone in recent history. This lone woman has provided positive inspiration to downtrodden women around the world, whether they can relate to the suffocating folds of tribal ‘justice’ or not, and given a courageous face to standing up to gender violence. Despite receiving international accolades, it seems her image isn’t ‘soft’ enough for Pakistan’s Ministry of Marketing; no medals of valour for her from our government, nor has there been a domestic media campaign among major TV channels celebrating her like they do male cricketers for scoring a few runs.

Philanthropy: From Abdul Sattar Edhi (who runs the largest volunteer ambulance system in the world) to Imran Khan and his high-profile black tie fund raising for cancer (now building the country’s second cancer hospital in Peshawar), and the grassroots efforts of various NGOs to promote health awareness amid social taboos, there is plenty of underutilised fodder here, not just to propel Pakistan’s image from a crooked, self-serving nation to one that cares about its people, but to publicise worthwhile causes while encouraging local and international donors.

Atheletes: Where are Nike/Reebok/Adidas’ sponsorships for our female athletes in cricket, football et al? Sponsorship by multinationals can promote our growing breed of athletes on a regional as well as global scale.

Urdu: Urdlish may be very well as verbal slang but it’s downright annoying when advertising copywriters start using it in a cheesy way. Also, people who can’t speak fluent English ought to speak in Urdu/Punjabi/regional languages and get an interpreter, especially athletes and politicians who end up sounding unimpressive because they are struggling for words and not expressing themselves with confidence. You won’t see any Brazilian footballers or French Presidents speaking in English. Express eloquence in your native tongue.

Creative industries: The facilitation of fine arts and film is essential for growth. Instead of shoestring projects by film school graduates that are either banned from screening here or are documentaries that TV channels don’t buy, try to attract investors and focus on promoting talent instead of being hung up on censorship. Inviting international filmmakers to hold film premieres and hosting large-scale international film festivals would open up a great deal of intercultural and commercial interchange. Invite international co-productions and make it glamorous and safe enough for major studios to shoot Hollywood films here. 

Promote local film facilities for an international community by setting up production and post-production outfits and cut the red tape to get things done. The more backward a country is, the more red tape is involved to carry out the simplest of tasks. Use people’s endless conspiracy theories to write spy thrillers, film crime movies, and promote constructive work that makes the country mysterious and alluring instead of a nation of depressed lunatics. Even the culture of corruption could look more palatable to an international audience if a Bond movie was shot here. TV producers could stop copying Indian soaps and reinvent original genres like in the 80s. Subsidize and promote in-house productions for film, TV, publishing including children’s writers in Urdu and get them translated.  Promote Pakistanis in Hollywood—actors, character actors, producers, writers and comedians.

Teamwork with neighbours: Although it was annoying to be dominated by a much larger country and economy, we miss the days when we were called ‘IndoPak.’ Calling us ‘AfPak’ indicates our downward spiral.

A celebration of subcultures: From remote tribes and religious minorities to the transgendered community, celebrating diversity and aiding representation, expression, and involvement in mainstream media and society says a lot about the country–as does bigotry.

Reverse brain drain: Publicise the success of immigrants and people of Pakistani origin who have excelled in their fields and offer them incentives to return. Expats tend to be fiercely loyal and patriotic, yet refuse to live here and do everything from a safe distance. Let’s give them reasons to move back–ones more lasting than the real estate bubble of the last decade.

Ingenuity and entrepreneurship: The brilliance of scam artists and hackers can be redirected to develop interesting new patented technology, if only they could be recruited.

Tolerance: Nobody wants to visit a country to be bullied or thinks highly of it if it has narrow-minded views.  Promote the rights of minorities even while the rights are being throttled, don’t stop. Encouraging social acceptance and interfaith dialogue within and outside of country would have far reaching positive consequences.

Shopping destination: ‘Branded’ in Pakistan literally means ‘not Chinese.’ Popular local items and brands could be redirected, like lawn could be stylised into beachwear for international markets. An annual shopping festival might encourage tourism from around the country as well as overseas, and should not be on the lines of the typical ‘industrial exhibitions’ at Fortress Stadium of a crusty array of mattresses and mediocre china. Exported styles of leather products, textiles, and home interiors should also be made available locally as an incentive for shoppers.

Preservation: More funding is needed for heritage sites as well as more respect from the public who scribble graffiti on its walls. Endangered animals should be respected, appreciated and protected.

Subtlety in TV news and newspapers: Local media often has an agenda (for example, Fox News is neo-Con). Local news is either anti-government or pro some political party depending on the vested interests of the owners, or in sensationalising horrific imagery without warning that it’s inappropriate for children. Let’s make it at least slightly objective.

Change the definition of education: Being educated is more than being able to scribble your first name. So what if our statistics get lower, they’re a joke anyway.

Humour:  Capitalize on what’s really here and make it quirky and interesting. ‘Sell’ brand Pakistan as a fascinating country. Since Pakistanis have a great sense of humour and the ability to enjoy ourselves, let’s laugh and laugh some more.

Cultural intolerance: No more ‘East’ vs, ‘West’; ‘our culture’ vs. ‘your culture’, ‘Islamic’ vs. ‘unIslamic.’ If it’s here, it’s part of the melting pot. Accept that.

SPOOF: TimeOut Pakistan

LightsOut

Pakistan

Your guide to what's happening in the most exciting cities on the planet

(Note: this is a satiric depiction spoofing a fictitious TimeOut guide to Pakistan. Content is meant for entertainment purposes only).

TOURS

·      The Wonders of 21^st century Pakistan is a new tour designed for visitors who want more authenticity in their visits. Highlights: photo ops at famous terrorism sites around the country.

WORKSHOPS

·      Sizes Gym offers a Go Ninja special; learn martial arts moves while wearing a niqab in 120 degree heat without airconditioning. Guaranteed to sweat off several kilos per session.

·      SLUM offers an Executive MBA Program in ‘Red Tape Wheeling & Dealing’ with courses including ‘How to get things done: from a telephone complaint to registering an FIR and running for an election.’

·      SMEDA Career Choices for Housewives 101 this month features the Darzi to Designer workshop, addressing the logistics of poaching tailors, getting your name recognized as a couture fashion house, and launching the country’s Fashion Week in smaller cities like Gwadar and Sargodha.

NIGHTLIFE

·      The new bulletproof dome at Husni Mubarak Stadium (the recently renamed Qaddafi stadium) promises bigger and better will host Lahore’s upcoming black tie events, including the previously banned Basant night with a backdrop of inflatable kites and a dancefloor that covers the stadium green.

·      A new cricket-themed Blahria Casino is being planned at Blahria Town that will offer bets and match fixing auctions in addition to poker and slot machines.

·      Pakistan’s bootleggers offer an authentic Prohibition-era experience to make clients feel part of a mafia movie set in 1930s Chicago.

HOTELS

·      The Far Seasons Hotel Lahore offers a 360-degree holographic view of Fashion TV on its lobby walls for all the mustachioed voluminous white shawlar kameez wearing lounge lizards.

·      Karachi’s Luxury French Shoe Beach Resort has a new shipload of surplus gray cement to add to its pristine dunes next to the scenic, oily waves of the ocean.

EVENTS

·      Rayal Asscut Horse Racing at the Lahore Race Club in Koth Lakhpat shows Lahore racing culture at it’s finest. Visitors at the all-male venue may place bets and are encouraged to wear large, festive pagris in the colours of QEII’s Ascot hats.

LEISURE/GAMING

·      If you’ve ever played Spot the ‘ho at Dubai hotel lobbies, you can play Spot the fundo in Pakistan. Hint: some of the bearded guys are harmless, while some clean-shaven corporate types have hidden inner ‘daaris.’

HEALTH

·      Visit local medics who employ kala jadoo, a holistic process involving eggs, hair strands and green chillies. The process is currently being followed at leading psychiatric hospitals worldwide to treat what was once considered as schizophrenia and is now called ‘buri nazar.’

SPOOF: Lonely Planet's Pakistan Travel Guide

sad planet

Presents

Pakistan Travel Guide

“The Most Exciting Country In The World”--Newsweak

Written by clueless boho backpackers

(Note: This is a satiric depiction spoofing Lonely Planet’s guide to Pakistan. Content is fictitious and meant for entertainment purposes only).

Pakistan is an intoxicating mix of contradictory elements, wonderful double standards and razor sharp narrow mindedness blended with ostentatious liberalism, from its feudal roots to its populous cities, amid a backdrop of delightful traditions. Whether you get on a rollicking mini-bus or wagon ride hanging for dear life whilst taking in the dubious essence of your fellow commuters, or commute the lethargic Pakistani way by hiring a non-uniformed driver who doesn’t show up on time and has to attend family weddings and funerals on a weekly basis, do not miss this opportunity to experience the land of gassy buffaloes, wild marijuana, electricity that comes and goes faster than a disco strobe, and wonderfully hospitable people who pretend they haven’t met you the next day.

·      50 detailed and easy-to-use maps provided by the Eye S Eye that include the entire Indian province of Kashmir as part of Pakistan

·      Bonus activities chapter details the best khokas for experiencing tempting, food-poisoning-is-worth-it roadside snacks, the water sport festival at Lahore’s canal bank and D.I.Y. mehndi dance choreography to impress your friends back home

·      Full-colour sections of Pakistan’s highlights and best nightlife including a guide to which parties to crash

·      Special section on Pakistan’s biggest society events that require metal detectors

·      Tips for finding the best accommodation for people watching in Pakistan