SPOOF: Giggle news search results for Pakistan (satire)...because laughter is the best medicine

Giggle News Search Results for Pakistan

Laaleen Khan

Have you ever wondered how people would react if Google turned into one big spoof for a day, like The Onion http://www.theonion.com/ , Roznama Jawani http://www.roznamajawani.com/ or Maila Times http://mailatimes.com/ ? While satirical items create laughter and raise eyebrows, they invariably also cause earnest minded readers to gape and completely fail to identify the irony, hence the reason for this disclaimer:

Warning: if you think self-deprecating humour is unpatriotic, please do not continue reading.

Here is a Giggle News search result for “Pakistan:”

Ageless and Alluring: 50 of the World's Sexiest Women

http://blogs.tribune.com.pk/story/5595/the-a-to-z-of-the-worlds-sexiest-women/

The A to Z of the world’s sexiest women

April 26, 2011

Men dream about them and women dream of looking like them.Beauty may be skin deep, but sexiness goes a long way.This list counts down some of the world’s most attractive celebrities who are captivating, charismatic and often virtually ageless.

Although many have had work done (from fillers and rhinoplasty to hair extensions), it’s not as extreme as some of their contemporaries.

From starlets, thespians, royalty and models, whether Euro, Hollywood, Latina, Bollywood or Pakistani, there’s enough collective allure on this list of 50 to knock down a billion men (in alphabetic order, not ranking):

1. Amanda Seyfried, 25 – Hollywood actress who shot to fame withMamma Mia, and can be seen next in Red Riding Hood.
2. Babra Sharif, 56 – Iconic Pakistani movie actress who rose to fame in the 70s and went on to lead Lollywood in the 80s.
3. Blake Lively, 23 – Statuesque blonde of Gossip Girl fame who has also appeared in Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants. See her next in The Green Lantern.
4. Camilla Al-Fayed, 24 – Egyptian-Finnish socialite and heiress. Daughter of Harrods owner Mohammed Al-Fayed and Heini Wathen, and half-sister of the late Dodi.
5. Carla Gugino, 39 – Italian-Irish-English American actress with a wide range of portrayals, from The Buccaneers to Spy Kids.
6. Charlotte Casiraghi of Monaco, 24 – Daughter of Princess Caroline of Hanover and Stefano Casiraghi and inherited her grandmother, Grace Kelly’s striking good looks.
7. Cybil Chowdhury, 27 – German-Pakistani runway and print model, mommy who also works in Gymboree.
8. Dimple Kapadia, 52 – Rose to fame with Bobby and Saagar to emerge as an A-list Bollywood star in the 80s with current arthouse roles. She retains her glamorous mane of glossy brown hair. Previously married to actor Rajesh Khanna, and is mother to Twinkle (wife of actor Akshay Kumar) and Rinkie Khanna.
9. Dita Von Teese (born Heather Renee Sweet), 38 – Burlesque icon and ex-wife of Marilyn Manson who brought fetish dancing and retro glamour in vogue.
10. Emmanuelle Chriqui, 33 – Moroccan-Canadian actress from HBO’sEntourage and You Don’t Mess With The Zohan. See her next in Showtime’s The Borgias.
11. Gabrielle Anwar, 41 – Daughter of Tariq and Shireen Anwar, this British actress from The Tudors first shot to fame in Scent Of A Woman. She’s currently on TV’s Burn Notice.
12. Gemma Aterton, 25 – This Bond girl also starred in Prince of Persiaand Tess Of The D’Urbeybilles. See her next in Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters.
13. Heather Graham, 41 – This Austin Powers alumn is the daughter of an FBI agent and played a likeable porn star in both Boogie Nights andThe Guru and a pleasant stripper in The Hangover.
14. Iman Ali, 31 – Lahorite runway and print model who’s starred inKhuda Ke Liye, music videos and ad campaigns, all the while valiantly fighting Multiple Sclerosis.
15. Iraj Manzoor 39/40 (unconfirmed) – Karachiite fashion and print model with a fearless, distinctive persona that redefines Pakistani feminine identity.
16. Isabelle Adjani, 55 – Algerian-German-French actress who has starred in prolific films since 1970 including Queen Margot andDiabolique.
17. Juggan Kazim, 30 – Pakistani TV actress, host, print model and mother to Hamza. A vivacious personality, she’s one of those people who are even prettier without makeup.
18. Crown Princess Letizia of Spain, 38 – This future Queen was a divorced TV news-anchor for Bloomberg and CNN Plus before she married Prince Felipe of Asturiaz. They have two daughters, Leonor and Sofia.
19. Lady Kitty Spencer, 20 – ‘It’ girl, aristocrat and heiress, she is the daughter of Diana’s brother, the 9^th Earl Spencer and former model Victoria Lockwood, and is engaged to South African footballer Larry Cohen.
20. Katy Perry, 26 – Pop singer who rose to fame with ‘I Kissed A Girl.’ Has a contemporary Betty Boop kind of style and is married to Russell Brand.
21. Laetitia Casta, 32 – Iconic French model who played Bridgette Bardot in Gainsbourg and has three children.
22. Li Gong, 45 – Chinese actress who played the envious Hatsumomo from Memoirs of a Geisha and Colin Farrell’s love interest in Miami Vice.
23. Malaika Arora Khan, 37 – Punjabi-Malayali former MTV India VJ who shot to fame ‘item’ dancing in Bollywood hit songs, with Shahrukh Khan in Chaiyya Chaiyya and with brother-in-law Salman Khan inMunni Badnaam Hui. She is married to producer/director Arbaaz Khan has a son, Arhaan.
24. Princess Madeleine of Sweden, 28 – Younger daughter of King Carl Gustaf XVI and Queen Silvia of Sweden. She called off her wedding to her fiancé, lawyer Jonas Bergstorm, after she discovered he was cheating on her.
25. Madeleine Stowe, 52 – British-Costa Rican American star of The Last Of The Mohicans and Twelve Monkeys, she trained as a concert pianist before venturing into Hollywood. She is married and has a son.
26. Marion Cotillard, 35 – French actress and Oscar winner star of La Vie En Rose, as well as Inception and the upcoming The Dark Knight Rises. She is expecting her first baby this spring with The Beach‘s French actor Guillame Canet.
27. Michelle Pfeiffer, 53 – Stunningly cheek-boned  star of Grease 2, Scarface and Cheri and is married to TV director David E. Kelley with two children.
28. Mila Kunis, 20s – Ukrainian-American from TV’s That 70s Show,Black Swan and, yes, voices Meg’s character in the animated series, The Family Guy. See her next in Friends With Benefits.
29. Minka Kelly, 30 – T daughter of an exotic dancer who had a love affair with Aerosmith guitarist, Rick Dufay, she played Leighton Meester’s doppelganger (and vice versa) in The Roommate and stars in TV’sParenthood.
30. Monica Belluci, 46 – Starred in Malena and The Sorcerer’s Apprentice and is married to French actor Vincent Cassel. They have a daughter, Deva.
31. Noureen DeWulf, 27 -  Gujerati-American supporting character onAmerican Dreamz, Ghost Of Girlfriends Past and The Back-up Plan and is currently on TV’s Outsourced (US version). Engaged to US ice-hockey player Ryan Miller.
32. Olivia Wilde, 29 – Seen in TV’s The OC and starred in TV’s House:MDand Tron: Legacy. She recently divorced her husband Tao, the younger son of the 9th Principe Ruspoli (papal title for Italian prince), whom she married in a castle.
33. Paz Vega, 35 – Spanish actress seen in Spanglish and The Six Wives Of Henry Lefay.
34. Penelope Cruz, 37 – Spanish actress and Oscar winner, the darling of director Pedro Almodovar, and is married to Oscar winner Javier Bardem and the mother of baby Leo. Can be seen next in Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides.
35. Romola Garai, 28 – Hungarian-British actress, starred in Atonementand Emma.
36. Queen Rania of Jordan, 40 – Palestinian wife of King Abdullah, she takes an active role in politics, philanthropy, and glamour. An ex-Citibanker, she has four children – Hussein, Iman, Salma and Hashem.
37. Rebekah Wainwright, 25 – Irish actress who played Catherine Brandon, Duchess of Suffolk in The Tudors.
38. Rhona Mitra, 34 – Irish-English-Bengali Indian from TV’s The Practice, Boston Legal and The Gates.
39. Rihanna, 23 – Barbadian Pop/R&B singer who shot to stardom with ‘Umbrella.’ Currently sports Ferrari-red hair and a risqué, futuristic wardrobe.
40. Rima Fakih, 25 – This Lebanese-American was the first Muslim and Arab to win the Miss USA title in 2010.
41. Saffron Burrows, 38 – British actress is known for her portrayal inDeep Blue Sea and currently stars in TV’s Law & Order: Criminal Intent.
42. Sofia Vergara, 37 – Voluptuous Columbian who stars in Modern Family and can be seen in the ensemble-cast New Year’s Eve.
43. Sophie Marceau, 44 – French Bond Girl, played the Princess Isabelle in Braveheart and starred in Anna Karenina.
44. Stacey Dash, 45 – West Indian-Aztec American New Yorker. Starred as a high schooler in Clueless when she was 30 and still looks as amazing. She’s been married three times, has two children and can be seen on TV’s Single Ladies.
45. Stana Katic, 33 – Serbo-Croat Canadian star of TV’s Castle, previously had bit parts in films including Quantum Of Solace.
46. Vaneeza Ahmed aka Vinny, 39 – German-raised Lahorite runway and print model and a national pioneer in lawn branding.
47. Virgine Ledoyen, 34 – French actress from The Beach and 8 Womenand can currently be seen in TV’s XIII: The Series.
48. Yasmin Le Bon, 46 – Iranian British model who’s married to Duran Duran lead vocalist Simon Le Bon and mother to aspiring model, Amber Rose.
49. Zeenat Aman, 59 – Legendary Bollywood actress who introduced western ideals of allure, including her portrayals in cult classic songs,Chura Liya and Dum Maro Dum. Has been married to Sanjay Khan and Mazhar Khan, with whom she had two sons, Azaan and Zahaan.
50. Ziyi Zhang, 32 – Chinese star of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragonstarred as a villain in Rush Hour 2 and as Sayuri in Memoirs Of A Geisha.

Before you complain about who’s missing from the list, here are some memorable beauties who didn’t make the cut for the following reason:

1. The Typical Twenty: These super-successful international A-listers have beauty, money and box office power. In other words, they have already featured on so many magazine covers and celebrity features that they deserve to give the others a chance. Aishwariya Rai Bachchan, Angelina Jolie, Bar Rafaeli, Beyonce Knowles, Freida Pinto, Giselle Bundchen, Halle Berry, Heidi Klum, Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Lopez, Jessica Alba, Kate Moss, Megan Fox, Miley Cyrus, Natalie Portman, Padma Lakshmi  Reese Witherspoon, Salma Hayek, Shakira, Scarlett Johanssen.

2. The Plastics: Too many visits to the plastic surgeon’s office have rendered this bevy of attractive women ineligible for our Sexy List, ranging from extreme botox, obvious collagen, keyhole surgery, excessive fillers, massive silicone implants and frequent liposuction. Seriously, where does one begin…? a) Hollywood stars: Nicole Kidman, Melanie Griffith, Lara Flynn Boyle, Demi Moore, Meg Ryan, Marcia Cross, Catherine Zeta Jones, Pamela Anderson. b) Pop icons: Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Kylie Minogue, Madonna, Dolly Parton, Cher, Mariah Carey. c) Reality TV stars: Katie Price, Heidi Montag, Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton. d) Bollywood actresses: Shilpa Shetty, Sushmita Sen, Bipasha Basu, Kareena Kapoor, Katrina Kaif, Preity Zinta. e) Lollywood actresses: Veena Malik, Meera, Nirma. f) Bollywood ‘item girls:’ Neha Dhupia, Celina Jaitley, Mallika Sherawat, Koena Mitra, Ayesha Takia. g) Pakistani fashion models and socialites: typical traits from plastic addicts from each age group include: The 28-39 age bracket have shiny, frozen botox’d faces and collagen ‘trout pouts;’ The 40s and 50s sport youthful crescent-shaped cheek implants and threadlifts; The 60 pluses have super-taut skin from outdated facelifts and funny nostrils from old rhinoplasties. h) Along with: anyone from MTV USA’s Jersey Shore, ITV’s The Only Way Is Essex, Bravo’s The Real Housewives.

3. Pretty women who aren’t very sexy (despite efforts to be sultry): Katrina Kaif, Katie Holmes, Kate Bosworth, Kate Winslet, Kate Middleton, Cate Blanchett, Kate Beckinsale, Katherine Heigl (notice a pattern with the names?).

4. Style icons not known for their beauty (though adored by women and gay men): Victoria Beckham, Lady Gaga, Sarah Jessica Parker.

5. RIP: These feisty classic movie stars are not in this world any longer or they would have ousted the others out of the running—50s era Marilyn Monroe, 60s era Natalie Wood, 70’s era Parveen Babi, 50s-70s era Elizabeth Taylor.

* Note: This list is in alphabetical order and not ranked